At 29, I got married. Just been over a month now. Dunno if has to do with me being a girl, being a Libran or simply being me, from a very young age I loved the concept of marriages. Though I am a Hindu by birth, I was always fascinated by the western marriages. The white gown and the tux had an ever lasting and longing impression on me (I did not get married that way though). As a child, thanks to the cinderella stories and many more, I waited for my prince charming [Probably a knight in a shining armour ;)]. Have been a romantic at heart and the concept of being in love was alluring from an early age.
As I grew from being a kid to the teenager around the block, a simple girl next door to the woman I am today, the definition of that man of my dreams has undergone a huge change. I have never been the prettiest. Truth be told not an attractive lady as well. But there is this way I have with people, where everyone around me feels comfortable.
Several encounters and experiences later, I know there is no such man. There is no man of dreams. Well, don’t get me wrong for all the hopeful souls out there! After a point of time, one realises that there is a stark difference between dreams and reality. Some dreams are beautiful only when they are dreamt about, and the reality teaches us to be practical. But does that mean we should all lose hope? Does that mean we will never find the one? This much debated topic of ages is a mystery. There exists no crystal clear definition for that.
Although, a mystery I can tell you one thing for sure based on my life’s journey. We make him. Yes, girls. We can make any man we love the man of our dreams. He wont be perfect. He will perhaps let you down. He perhaps would also not be very good at so many things you hoped and wished for! But if you know he loves you. Trust me, he is a keeper. In today’s times its rare not just difficult.
Few things that I am trying to follow…perhaps it will work for you too [May be not in the same order 😉 ]
– Be the best of friends for each other– Make him your best buddy. Always give him that benefit of doubt. Respect his thoughts, feelings etc. Be the companion for him, with whom he is at ease and so are you. Share. Have honest discussions. Takes time, build it. What’s the hurry!??
– Be a good listener – Listen more and listen with an open mind. It actually erodes a lot of issues between partners.
– Keep your expectations to yourself –Even though it may hurt initially slowly you will adjust.
– Be who you are – maintain that individuality that keeps you alive and separates you from anyone else.
– Make him your world but also have some space for just You – Make him a part of you, a very significant one. But never let him or anyone per say, be all that is you.
– Love him unconditionally – Hope he understands you, respects you, values you.
– Reason with him but don’t fight– You and He, are different souls. Born and bred differently. There will be clashes, difference of opinions. Deal with it, talk about it. Don’t stop the communication no matter what. And yes, reason. Make him see from the angle you see but try and not be harsh about it. [Yeah, men in so many ways are just grown up kids you somehow signed up for 😉 ]
– Don’t let someone other than your partner tell you what is right for you and him– A 3rd or 4th or any other are welcome but not when its your relationship with your significant other. Don’t disrespect anyone, listen. Take only what you think you should and discard. (Shift+Delete)
And yes, Make him see the real you. No pretences. If he stays, he will always else you know what’s best. GOOD LUCK!!
Phewwww….thats quite a list. It’s working for me. I hope it helps some of you somewhere.
The starry nights, the winter's chill
The flaky snow, the floating clouds
The chilly breeze, the warmth of the embrace
The heart's desire, the logic's spate
The melancholic soul in deep search
The free spirit in great despair.
As time clicks, minutes and seconds go by....unnoticed,
Will feelings resist?
Will the once unknown hold true....Still!
Will the evolution complete?
Will the dreaded souls, finally meet?!
Once a sad past, can it blossom?
Become an ever lasting theme of their lives.
Will hope prevail? Will all arise?
Will the senses get resurrected?
Will words galore, Will happiness abound for the long lost twin souls???
Every new year sets off with a resolution that I wish to accomplish by the year end. 2019 was no different. The celebrations of an year ending and a new one beginning are finally over. Festive mood is gone. And new goals, aspirations and desires have taken over the bygones.
As the new year steps in, it makes me think – Should one look back into their past? What purpose does it serve? Is future too scary?
For me the answer is very simple. When I look back, all I see is how far I have come. All the good memories gets refreshed and yes I do miss them. But I also get a glimpse of the not so good ones and I am certain I don’t need them any more. Some baggages are better not carried any longer, it doesn’t allow space for the new. Our journey is only over when we call it quits.
One thing is for certain, our innate ability to grow, adapt and learn from all we experience makes us stand out from one another. So, this new year lets propel that wheel and be a better version of ourselves. Lets keep the positives, be done with the negatives; lets focus on our strengths and work on our grey areas. Lets just roll on and welcome this brand new year with nothing but an open mind. Lets Live!
Thanks for joining me!
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter — Izaak Walton