At 29, I got married. Just been over a month now. Dunno if has to do with me being a girl, being a Libran or simply being me, from a very young age I loved the concept of marriages. Though I am a Hindu by birth, I was always fascinated by the western marriages. The white gown and the tux had an ever lasting and longing impression on me (I did not get married that way though). As a child, thanks to the cinderella stories and many more, I waited for my prince charming [Probably a knight in a shining armour ;)]. Have been a romantic at heart and the concept of being in love was alluring from an early age.
As I grew from being a kid to the teenager around the block, a simple girl next door to the woman I am today, the definition of that man of my dreams has undergone a huge change. I have never been the prettiest. Truth be told not an attractive lady as well. But there is this way I have with people, where everyone around me feels comfortable.
Several encounters and experiences later, I know there is no such man. There is no man of dreams. Well, don’t get me wrong for all the hopeful souls out there! After a point of time, one realises that there is a stark difference between dreams and reality. Some dreams are beautiful only when they are dreamt about, and the reality teaches us to be practical. But does that mean we should all lose hope? Does that mean we will never find the one? This much debated topic of ages is a mystery. There exists no crystal clear definition for that.
Although, a mystery I can tell you one thing for sure based on my life’s journey. We make him. Yes, girls. We can make any man we love the man of our dreams. He wont be perfect. He will perhaps let you down. He perhaps would also not be very good at so many things you hoped and wished for! But if you know he loves you. Trust me, he is a keeper. In today’s times its rare not just difficult.
Few things that I am trying to follow…perhaps it will work for you too [May be not in the same order 😉 ]
– Be the best of friends for each other– Make him your best buddy. Always give him that benefit of doubt. Respect his thoughts, feelings etc. Be the companion for him, with whom he is at ease and so are you. Share. Have honest discussions. Takes time, build it. What’s the hurry!??
– Be a good listener – Listen more and listen with an open mind. It actually erodes a lot of issues between partners.
– Keep your expectations to yourself –Even though it may hurt initially slowly you will adjust.
– Be who you are – maintain that individuality that keeps you alive and separates you from anyone else.
– Make him your world but also have some space for just You – Make him a part of you, a very significant one. But never let him or anyone per say, be all that is you.
– Love him unconditionally – Hope he understands you, respects you, values you.
– Reason with him but don’t fight– You and He, are different souls. Born and bred differently. There will be clashes, difference of opinions. Deal with it, talk about it. Don’t stop the communication no matter what. And yes, reason. Make him see from the angle you see but try and not be harsh about it. [Yeah, men in so many ways are just grown up kids you somehow signed up for 😉 ]
– Don’t let someone other than your partner tell you what is right for you and him– A 3rd or 4th or any other are welcome but not when its your relationship with your significant other. Don’t disrespect anyone, listen. Take only what you think you should and discard. (Shift+Delete)
And yes, Make him see the real you. No pretences. If he stays, he will always else you know what’s best. GOOD LUCK!!
Phewwww….thats quite a list. It’s working for me. I hope it helps some of you somewhere.